It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize