OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
