so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
