Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
