So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
