i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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