i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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