I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
