ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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