just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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