i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
