dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
