his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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