This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize