I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
