We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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