i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
