Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
