Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
