Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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