Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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