why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
