My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
