Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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