dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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