on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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