I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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