My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
