Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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