I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
