Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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