thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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