So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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