Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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