I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
