I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i out mim tonsoeep
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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