If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
