she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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