you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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