I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
handjob tips. give me some.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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