Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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