YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize