My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
