I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
