She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
