...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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