She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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