Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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