I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You ate ashes out of my bong
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
