I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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