I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
