Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
