i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
