I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
