I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
