She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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