C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
