the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
