Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
