I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
