If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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