if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
