Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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