Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she smelled like a LAN party
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
