Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
