just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
