last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
