I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
