A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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