Nicole vs. Life
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
