so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
