We're like a lot better than the average bears
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
