It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
