Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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