I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
