Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
